her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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