White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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