If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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