I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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