the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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