My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I just forgot I was standing up.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
