I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
