Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
