haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
