During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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