Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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