I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
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