yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
