Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
