Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
