Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
