So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
