who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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