I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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