ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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