So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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