Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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