In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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