it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
