We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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