if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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