Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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