dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
