Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
