Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
