Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
