I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize