I will die if light touches me.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
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