Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
