I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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