Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
