forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
