with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
