i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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