he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
