Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
they need to just BURY HIM!
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
