Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
