I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
