He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
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Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
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I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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