Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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