what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
is this the sara with the beer cane?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
