So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
