It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
He did a backflip because drugs
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