Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
