My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
