I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
