it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
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My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
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You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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