Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
