I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Can you bring me the toilet please
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize