You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
