You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
That was before I lit my hair on fire
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
