neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
