i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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