...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
im drinking this country out of the recession.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
