a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Randomize
