I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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