please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
it glows. i had to have it.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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