I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize