I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
