we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
