After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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