I haven't been this sober since birth.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
