Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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