Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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