I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
he was CRYING into my vagina
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
