You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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