she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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