I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
