brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
