My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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