I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Randomize
