Who did Billy Mays play for?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
