Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
