Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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