whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
The uberlube is also flammable
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
